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Abbot and Costello and Other Disasters

by Knight Allen, NSC Director of Legislation
Published on  August 11, 2011 - reprinted with permission

  What to choose. What to choose. The number of depressing subjects available to fill a column goes on and on. Wars, the Middle East, a bankrupt Federal government with a Congress spending Monopoly money being created out of thin air by a Federal Reserve that is artificially keeping interest rates at near zero which in turn drives CD rates down to nothing destroying seniors' ability to generate any income from a lifetime of saving and sacrificing all the while telling us there's no inflation. But hey! Not to worry. It's all for the general welfare and the greater good.

 It's very depressing and if we dwell on it too much we might forget how fortunate we are to be living in a place devoid of tornadoes, hurricanes. floods or blizzards. Millions of our fellow Americans are facing the same economic challenges we are but also are suffering apocalyptic disasters. We have much to be grateful for.

  Grateful or not, I was looking for something to cheer me up a bit and son-of a gun if one of the local low power TV stations was advertising an Abbot& Costello marathon. I threw in a blank tape (yes, I still use VHS), set the timer for six hours and went on my way. I came home to three of A & Cs "meet" movies. Do you remember them? They "met" everyone. They met Frankenstein, Dracula and the Wolfman. They met Dr. Jekyle & Mr. Hyde and they met the Invisible Man. Time tripping back to the Forties was fun. After seven decades the movies weren't as hysterical but they still had their moments.

  You know what still is a classic which they showed between pictures? "Who's on first"? So, to maybe give you a smile: 

Lou:  Can you tell me the names of the players on the St. Louis team? 
Bud:  Yes, For instance, Whos on first, What's on second, 
I Don't Know is on third.... 

All I want to know is what's the name of the guy on first. 
What's the name of the guy on second base. 
I'm not asking you who's on second. 
Who's on first. 
I don't know. 
Hes on third. Were not talking about him. 
How'd I get on third base? 
You mentioned his name. 
If I mentioned his name, who'd I say is playing on third base? 
Who's on first. 
Stay off of first base! I want to know what's the name of the guy on third base. 
What's the name of the guy on second base. 
I'm not asking you who's on second. 
Who's on first. 
I don't know. 
Third base. 

With outfielders named Why and Because and with Today pitching and Tomorrow catching Bud and Lou have been going around and around for ninety years (closer to sixty-five years for this ((1945)) version, Knight. - Vern) and fortunately for everyone will keep doing so into the infinite future (or at least until December 21, 2012 - Vern). 

Remember the end? 
Lou is so exasperated after describing a play he hollers:
     
I DON'T CARE!
    Oh, thats our shortstop  

TA-DUM #

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